More than a role, enabling is a dynamic that often arises in specific scenarios. People who engage in enabling behaviors aren’t the “bad guy,” but their actions have the potential to promote and support unhealthy behaviors and patterns in others. Remember, being an enabler does not mean you’re an irresponsible or bad person. Even if empowering bad behavior leads to unhealthy consequences, it is almost always done from a place of love and support.
Some specialists and professionals can help you or your loved one to recover from SUD. There are rehab and detox programs for them when they’re ready to change. When they overstep their boundaries, make sure to give them proper consequences. You have to make them understand the gravity of their actions and behavior. Someone with an addiction needs to take accountability for their actions and take steps to improve their lives.
Illegal Drug Addiction
If your loved one is dealing with alcohol misuse, removing alcohol from your home can help keep it out of easy reach. You may not have trouble limiting your drinks, but consider having them with a friend instead. They may not agree to enter treatment right away, so you might have to mention it several times. Working with your own therapist can help you explore positive ways to bring up treatments that are right for your situation. If you or your loved one crosses a boundary you’ve expressed and there are no consequences, they might keep crossing that boundary.
Enablers will unknowingly entice or encourage a person’s bad behavior, which sets back any progress with recovery. Enablers also tend to carry false guilt, suffer from anxiety, and avoid conflict. There’s nothing wrong with extending financial help to a loved one from time to time. However, giving money is enabling if they always use it irresponsibly. Rather than helping them understand the consequences of their actions, you’re letting them get away with it. This makes them feel it’s okay if they get in trouble because you’ll be there to bail them out.
Not following through on consequences
Many addicts deny they have a problem with drugs or alcohol. It’s common for enablers to also deny that someone they care about has a problem until things get too bad or they’ve finally had enough. Enablers often try to protect their loved ones from the consequences of their addiction. This might look like bailing them out of jail or paying for damages they’ve caused while under the influence. In some cases, an enabler might even take on the person’s responsibilities in order to keep things running smoothly in their life. Conversely, other enablers may play a more active role in enabling a person’s addiction.
Lifestyle Quizzes
This includes managing all personal responsibilities they have been neglecting. Identifying enabling behavior can be challenging, but it’s even more important to know how to stop being an enabler. The harmful activity whats an enabler doesn’t need to be related to substance use, although addiction is one of the most common themes for enabling someone.
- When helping becomes a way of avoiding a seemingly inevitable discomfort, it’s a sign that you’ve crossed over into enabling behavior.
- It is important for enablers to seek their own professional help alongside their loved one who is struggling with substance abuse.
- Being able to identify the signs of enabling someone and taking steps to correct them is crucial for promoting healthy behaviors.
- Or you may call your child’s school with an excuse when they haven’t completed a term project or studied for an important exam.
Mental Health Treatment
Enablers will often blame other people for the person’s bad behavior. If you find yourself instinctually siding with the addicted person at all times, you may be an enabler. It’s not easy for someone with substance abuse problems to avoid drugs or alcohol. Keeping alcohol or other drugs accessible can make it difficult for someone with an addiction.
Lifestyle
- Enabling someone doesn’t mean you agree with their behavior.
- This may allow the unhealthy behavior to continue, even if you believe a conflict-free environment will help the other person.
- “When you’re on the inside of an enabling dynamic, most people will think they’re just doing what’s best, that they’re being selfless or virtuous.
- You reassure them you aren’t concerned, that they don’t drink that much, or otherwise deny there’s an issue.
If you think your actions might enable your loved one, consider talking to a therapist. In therapy, you can start identifying enabling behaviors and get support as you learn to help your loved one in healthier ways. In this case, an enabler is a person who often takes responsibility for their loved one’s actions and emotions. They may focus their time and energy on covering those areas where their loved one may be underperforming.
It can be difficult to say no when someone we care about asks for our help, even if that “help” could cause more harm than good. You might feel torn seeing your loved one face a difficult moment. Enabling behavior is often unintentional and stems from a desire to help. In fact, many people who enable others don’t even realize what they’re doing.
It’s difficult for someone to get help if they don’t fully see the consequences of their actions. Enabling doesn’t mean you support your loved one’s addiction or other behavior. You might believe if you don’t help, the outcome for everyone involved will be far worse. Maybe you excuse troubling behavior, lend money, or assist in other ways. Instead of focusing on what you feel you did wrong, identifying concrete behaviors that might have excused your loved one’s actions could help. Sometimes it may mean lending a financial hand to those you love.
There’s often no harm in helping out a loved one financially from time to time if your personal finances allow for it. But if they tend to use money recklessly, impulsively, or on things that could cause harm, regularly giving them money can enable this behavior. Establishing boundaries can help prevent you from enabling your loved one’s problematic behaviors. Rather than confronting a loved one or setting boundaries, someone who engages in enabling behavior may persistently steer clear of conflict.
According to the American Psychological Association, an enabler is someone who permits, encourages, or contributes to someone else’s maladaptive behaviors. Enabling actions are often intended to help and support a loved one. You may also justify their behavior to others or yourself by acknowledging they’ve gone through a difficult time or live with specific challenges. If you know someone who needs professional help, treatment is available. They can’t do that if you always bail them out of trouble.
